Thursday, March 12, 2009

American Technology to Build NL Tunnel

We can now confirm news of the US-NL strategic tunnel agreement, which Orwellian News broke earlier today. Below is the CP wire story.

American Technology to Build NL Tunnel

The Canadian Press
March 12, 2009 at 1:33 PM EDT

OTTAWA — The Government of Newfoundland and Labrador has announced a strategic partnership with Globex Corporation. From the front seat of his Chevy Avalanche, Premier Danny Williams told reporters waiting in the rain outside the Confederation Building, "This is a very, very historic day for the going forward people of Newfoundland. I have signed a multi-billion deal with Globex to use their new Bioengineered Crabs to complete work on the underwater tunnel that will at long last link Labrador with the island portion of the province." The underwater link, known as The Dunnel, will be funded through a bond offering by PWG plc, a bank based in Dublin.

When contacted to comment on this historic agreement, the CEO of Globex, Hank Scorpio, confirmed the fact that NL has agreed to purchase 20 of the 75-foot crab machines, though he added that Williams told him that most of the crabs will be used to launch a surprise attack on some foreign country led by a guy named Steve. Scorpio said that only Williams will have the launch codes needed to control the giant crabs, but loyal Newfoundlanders had nothing to fear. The crabs will not harm anyone whose name and personal information were loaded onto their hard drives by Challenged Research Associates, a local information-management firm.

The new technology has caused no controversy whatsoever in the US, where experts declared that the giant crabs will be an integral part of President Obama's stimulus program. According to published reports in the Globe and Mail, Obama got the idea of stimulating the economy from Mr. Williams:

For details on the exciting new crab technology, see

Orwellian News is waiting on the Williams' administration's official media advisory, which should come by 5:00 tomorrow, March 13.

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