Sunday, March 8, 2009

Political Biology

Since 2003 different types of analysis have been used to understand Danvironment, some more successful than others. So I thought I'd apply a biological analysis to see if it yields any fruit.

A systematic biological analysis has produced a working taxonomy of five principal species:

1) Digitaria cruciata Burkeia (Crabgrass). This crabby organism is remarkably persistent, despite frequent use of media herbicides. It is arguably the least sophisticated of the grasses found in Dangarden, but what it lacks in intelligence it makes up for in guile. Studies of its growth pattern indicate that it cannot be induced to change its behaviour.

2) Gomphus clavatus Wisemanius (Mushroom). This fungus thrives when kept in the dark. Unlike crabgrass, it wilts when placed in sunlight and is vulnerable to media herbicides. Its intelligence is impossible to determine because it seems unable to remember anything, but it is effective at remaining in place. Studies of its growth pattern indicate that it responds to crises by going into stasis.

3) Trifolium repens Dunderdalia (Clover). This member of the pea family actually covers the most surface area in Dangarden. However, while it takes up considerable space, it's relatively inactive and does little to attract attention. Its green leaves blend in with its surroundings and, like crabgrass, it appears to be resistent to media herbicides. Studies of its growth pattern indicate that once entrenched across an area, it is nearly impossible to remove.

4) Ranunculus sceleratus Kennedyus (Buttercup). This brightly coloured flower is new to Dangarden, so it's unclear how it will thrive among the other plants. It is highly active and seems to enjoy the spotlight. Unlike the mushroom, it wilts when placed in the dark. Its bright yellow colour can rival the dandelion, which may prove fatal to its long-term viability. Studies of its growth pattern indicate that it is abrasive and combative, particularly when it grows near hospitals.

5) Taraxacum officinale Dannydius (Dandelion). This toxic plant is the most dominant and aggressive of all. It spreads at an alarming speed and, if left unchecked, can take over an entire assembly of plants. Despite its colourful and festive appearance, it is highly poisonous and can be fatal if consumed over more than two terms in power. Even when boiled before eaten, it produces serious intestinal disorders and brain cramps. Studies of its growth pattern indicate that it has become resistent to reality-based herbicides. Political biologists believe that this is due to its remarkable ability to soak up attention. The only known way to remove the dandelion successfully is to yank it out completely, along with its entire root system.

Observational notes from the field update:
It looks like it will be a good spring for the Dandelion, as it's now generating not only national editorial attention, but also archival national editorial attention:

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