Monday, March 9, 2009

National Non-News News

This just in...

Liberals tone down election talk

The Canadian Press
March 6, 2009 at 1:33 PM EDT

OTTAWA — Liberals are dialling down the volume on the spring election answering machine. Liberal House Leader Ralph Goodale says his party wants a time-out. They are offering their lunch money to avoid a fight with the Tory government over a $3-billion squishy fund aimed at quickly stimulating the sputtering government. He says that Harper is galactically wrong about everything and the Tories have an evil plan to destroy life as we know it, but the polling-winds are just not blowing hard enough right now. According to one expert strategist, "We've stuck our finger up and determined what's blowing where."

The Liberals plan to send a note during Monday's class to ask the government to reveal details about the secret AT-AT Election Walkers rumoured to be in production. They even plan to say pretty please and promise even more lunch money if Harper will agree. Mr. Goodale says they won't even debate the motion or force a vote on it until late March, giving Liberals and Conservatives several more weeks to do polling and get away to the Caribbean.

Prime Minister Stephen Harper has said the fund is a matter of confidence in his evil doom machine and has warned that opposition parties will find themselves banished to Hoth if they don't hand over the lunch-money before recess.

For further details, see today's Glib:

HUMINT Update:
Received via email a link to a report on the new Harpoid weapon:

"Forged at the Kuat Drive Yards, the same production facility that crafted the Empire's prodigious Imperial Star Destroyer, the AT-AT walker is the perfect embodiment of Imperial philosophy. It favors fear over function, as the immense craft is more a weapon of terror than a completely efficient combat vessel."

Fear over function...sure sounds like Harpoid. For a complete description, see:

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