Wednesday, March 25, 2009

That Seventies Show

Tripping over the mixed metaphors, purple prose, and shrill bombast, I had an epiphany. Hearing the endless prattle about destiny, the truth suddenly dawned on me. I finally understood what makes Dangovt truly tick.

Here is the scenario: An evil empire is threatening the trade federation. It is led by a former knight who has gone over to the dark side. This empire is determined to shaft, oppress, and otherwise vaporize all the freedom-loving people who resist its plans to turn the entire federal galaxy over to the dark side. But there is one man, the chosen one, who is capable of resisting the evil lord and restoring the republic to its greatness. He is the one determined knight who has the pride and strength to confront the forces of darkness. He alone is able to become master of his domain. He is reluctant at first, as are all good jedi. He does not seek cosmic battle, but he takes up the sword of righteousness in order to defend the republic and to slay the dark lord who detrayed him. It is his destiny.

Sayeth the Jedi: "They have proven that they cannot be trusted to represent our interests, so we must take charge of our own destiny.”

Here it was right in front of us all along but, somehow, we missed the cosmic parallels, which run from the hair styles to stilted dialogue:

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